Italian Expectations (and Disappointment)

Hi everyone.

This morning, I woke up to a text from a client (and friend) on the way to Italy for his honeymoon. His wife’s passport had been flagged as “stolen” during their layover in Paris. 

She was sent home immediately. 

Half asleep, I did a comical, cartoon-like rubbing of my eyes and read the message again to make sure I was lucid and understanding this correctly. 

What the actual fuck?

LESSON 1: Don’t look at your phone first thing in the morning. Save yourself the anxiety. Need an alarm? Use a real clock.

After scrambling to contact hotels and doing my best to arrange refunds, I came here to ask some questions. Share a travel tip. Maybe a life lesson, too.

And to think I haven’t even had my coffee yet.

But this is not about me. This is a horrible, heartbreaking situation. They’re young. They’ve done minimal international travel before. What the hell happened? The truth is we don’t really know. 

All I know is that they were wildly excited. Looking forward to sunset walks along the river. Tuscan wine tastings. Food tours. Romantic Italian stuff. I mean, this was their honeymoon for fuck’s sake. They were about to go on the most special trip of their lives. 

And now they’re not. 

Then, there’s the money. 

LESSON 2: Buy travel insurance. It’s not that expensive. 

—

Are we as human beings not supposed to have expectations?

This is not a rhetorical question.

I understand that there will always be things beyond our control. Unforeseen circumstances that have nothing to do with us. Purely random occurrences of BS.

If you’re living off of these truths…. You can’t honestly expect anything — ever. Because nothing is ever certain.

How does one not look forward to their honeymoon in Italy? How does one not look forward to seeing their long-distance partner next weekend? That concert tomorrow night? 

Again, not rhetorical. 

Say you’re going through a hard time. Maybe a loved one is ill. Or work is slow and money is tight. Are we supposed to murder our hope that this rough patch will pass and things will get better? Eliminate all plans for the future? Ignore our dreams? 

If expectations lead to disappointment, are we supposed to kill any excitement at all in order to avoid it?

What kind of life is that?

—

I looked forward to something in Italy once. (Yes, that is indeed supposed to be as dramatic as it sounds.)

I was going to be meeting up with a friend who had also been traveling. Exciting! We reunited in Rome. Went up to Modena. Ate a lot of pasta and had what I thought was a good deal of fun.

And then, through a course of events — some of which I still cannot comprehend — they decided they needed to be on their own.

They reminded me of the nature of our respective journeys: two solo, spontaneous travelers whose paths happened to cross. While I understood there was no contractual obligation for us to remain together, my feelings were hurt. To put it lightly. 

The circumstances are vague, and they will remain so, but the question remains: how was I not supposed to look forward to this time together in Italy after a month of anticipation?

I’ll never forget what they asked me in regard to my obvious disappointment. In essence, it was as such:

“What did you expect?” 

Well, I expected us to have a good time.

I expected to spend time in a country that I love, with a person I love. 

Not this.

—

I will leave you with three possible takeaways, because I don’t know which is the right one. I don’t even know if there is one.

Lesson 3A: Avoid having expectations at all costs. They will only lead to disappointment.

Lesson 3B: Be wary of your expectations, as they may lead to disappointment. But this does not mean you should squash your excitement about a future event in the meantime. 

Lesson 3C: Accept your expectations. Anticipation of exciting future events is one of the simple pleasures of life — no matter the outcome. 

I’m curious to hear your thoughts.

ONWARDS,

Mag