Purpose (and Lack Thereof)
In the first episode of Season 2 of The Bear, the staff of The Beef is tasked with destroying the restaurant — their home — to make space for what’s to come.
Richie, the staunch traditionalist of the bunch, is going through it.
He asks Carm, somewhat dramatically, “What’s my purpose, homie?”
But, as good writing goes, it is not so dramatic at all. The question is very real.
When something you know well changes, it does indeed spur a loss of identity. Sense of self deteriorates. Who am I without this thing? What’s my purpose?
Last year, I stepped away from acting for the first time in my life in order to travel. (2020 doesn’t count — that was involuntary.) I was excited, of course, but also very much off-kilter to be without something which had until that point defined me and my character forever.
As the trip progressed, I realized that the time away would be valuable. It could help me re-evaluate my relationship to this entity that had for so long defined me. Maybe it was time for a change. I hoped to gain some perspective.
So, I decided to seek out others.
I went into theatres — randomly, across Europe — and I talked to people. I asked them: why do you make theatre?
—
These are a few of the answers.
“I make theatre because I think it can change people’s perspectives, even if it’s just one person at a time. I’d seen that happen within my own family. And so I am like, very keen to help people see other people’s stories, other people’s perspectives, and then hopefully that can help make them more understanding.” — Phoebe, Tron, Glasgow
“I make theatre so that we can start discussions of multiple topics at one time. You can present an idea or a situation to people and through theatre, it’s a good way of getting loads of people in to hear that one conversation at one time.” — Aileen, Tron, Glasgow
“Because my life was a mess. And I didn’t know… in theatre you have to make emotions and things like that. The same as in real life. But in real life, you cannot act like you do on stage. So when you do it on stage, you get good practice for the real life.” — Derek, Tutti Fratelli, Antwerp
“This is a special theatre — Tutti Fratelli. It’s for people who have no money, issues, mental issues. And that’s the reason I do this theatre. Because I’m learning to, um, better stand with myself. My English is very bad. *laughs* It’s for mental good.” — Steven, Tutti Fratelli, Antwerp
“For me, telling stories and letting people be in imaginative worlds in order to understand the world is the core of theatre. And I think that is what I want to try to bring to the world a bit. And on the other hand, I’m just having a lot of fun with it.” — Sacha, Troupe Courage, Amsterdam
“Because it makes me happy. And I feel I need to do it. There are some things, in your life, you feel that it gives you all your body. Like you’re really concentrated and happy doing it. […] And doing things with people. Because with music […] when you’re with other people, you have this connection without words. It’s like a different world. […] Build your creativity. Connection with people. And just happiness.” — Alexandra, Kultury Zamek, Poznan
“Very simple but very not simple. Because it relaxes me. And makes me think of so many things...” — Eva, Lutkovno Gledalisce, Ljubljana
“It relaxes me. It makes me feel good, like I am creating something. It feels good to be creative. [What do you create?] Music. Also other things… out of wood. Connected with music. Like speakers, for example.” — Miha, Sentjakobsko Gledalisce, Ljuabljana
“For my mental wellbeing. *laughs*” — Hana, Lutkovno Gledalisce, Ljubljana
The responses were moving to hear, and I resonated with much of it. But my purpose in the artistic realm remained at large. It still does. What is clear, is that this part of my identity has, at least for the time being, taken a backseat.
And holy shit, have I enjoyed getting to know myself outside of it.
Yes, my so-called “life’s purpose” is still foggy. My direction is not so specific. Maybe I’m just straight up lost. Whatever. Does it even matter? Being lost is like, so cool. The opportunity to be found! The unknown of life is what makes waking up… you know, interesting.
—
It comes down to The Richie Dilemma. He’s on the hunt for an existentialist answer. Without The Beef… who the fuck am I? What is my goddamn purpose? Well?
Well, maybe there isn’t one.
Maybe his purpose in that moment is just to get the drywall estimate for Carm. The task right in front of him. The present. Nothing more.
Some, like Richie, may find this answer unsatisfying.
Some, like me, find a strange relief.
My purpose right now is to finish this piece of writing. And after that it is to enjoy a sunny Sunday afternoon in the park with my friends.
As time passes, I increasingly feel that my purpose is simply to do the best that I can in any given moment, no matter the occasion. My purpose is to be the most myself I can possibly be.
Does one need anything greater than that?
Seriously. I’m asking.
ONWARDS,
Mag