Thought (vs. FEELING???)
Writing. The act of turning thoughts into readable words is a valuable practice for a myriad of reasons. I enjoy it because I like being able to hear my own thoughts. And I love being able to understand them.
I’m kind of obsessed with understanding people. Mostly, with understanding myself. I’m not sure if this need was born out of training as an actor, or the reverse: an intrinsic trait of mine that laid the ground for loving acting in the first place.
Either way, I crave logic and order in my experiences. In my thoughts. And especially, in my feelings.
Silly girl.
Sometimes I really do make myself laugh.
I laugh and I grow.
And I know by now that feelings — whatever that word might mean to you — almost never appeal to logic. There is often no “sense” to be found.
There was this one moment in an acting class. I remarked that following an explanation of something, I would often ask the person to whom I was speaking: “Does that make sense?”
And my teacher replied something along the lines of “Sense? In what way?”
What he meant was that I was referring solely to our human sense of logic. An identifiable thought process. (Because I feel a deep need to be understood by those around me. This I know.)
But the thing is — as my teacher pointed out — we have five senses. Not just the one.
There are many ways in which something can make sense that are not via logic of thought. Allow me to bullet.
Taste? Scent? Why do we love the flavors we do? It may have something to do with gustatory memory (which is awesome) … but don‘t some people just like different foods?
Sound? Why do we love the music we do? Friends, maybe. Family. The aesthetic of the artist. All possible… but the question remains: why? Can’t it just be one damn catchy song?
Sight? Why do we find the people attractive that we do? Can you trace your type back to something “logical” …? Chances are, no. (Though if you can, please advise.)
What if — and this one’s my favorite — something makes sense to you by way of touch? What if, despite the fact that you just met a person, you’ve never felt more comfortable than with them? That doesn’t make much sense, does it?
—
There is a distinction here. Thought vs. Feeling. And while they are certainly related — i.e. thoughts influence feelings — the point of difference is logic.
Feelings don’t make any fucking sense in a logical way. You can try however hard you’d like to understand why you feel the way you do about something… but I’m going out on a ledge here to say you’re shit out of luck. You’re never quite going to be able to put your finger on it.
It is mind bending. The most frustrating.
Oh my God. Why am I so [insert emotion here]? This doesn’t make any SENSE—
You know what I mean.
—
The question: do we try to make sense of the source of our emotions? Or do we just accept the illogical nature of our feelings as they are?
The answer — because we’re in Maggie Land — is both. It always is.
It’s important to question why we might feel the way we do about something, or someone. It might teach you something valuable about yourself. But don’t beat a dead horse if you can’t quite make sense of it.
I guess what I’m trying to reconcile here is the (unnerving) fact that at some point, you have to stop analyzing and just enjoy the fact that this flavor of ice cream or that one person makes you feel more alive than anything else in the entire world. Or, on the contrary, accept that you’re still angry about that little thing that happened with that one person five years ago. Sure, it doesn’t “make sense” — you’ve forgiven them and moved on, after all — but the feeling of anger remains nonetheless.
It’s okay. Acknowledge it. Move on.
Easier said than done.
Just always, always try and take a moment to enjoy the insanity and wonder of the incomprehensible feeling — because this is quite literally what makes us human.
ONWARDS,
Mag